


The Dick Ghost

by mallaidh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Humor, M/M, Roommates, i literally can't even believe i wrote this but anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallaidh/pseuds/mallaidh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he wasn't sure before, he's certain of it now; Akaashi is being cockblocked by the dick ghost that haunts the apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dick Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Bokuaka squad - apologies in advance

College was not what Akaashi Keiji had expected it to be.

The lectures were manageable, nothing out of the ordinary there. The campus was nice, with a sizable library and several coffee shops littered throughout the grounds. The lecturers themselves were friendly and helpful, and the tutors were always willing to lend some extra support. It was the living situation that had ended up being the most complicated part of Akaashi's college life.

“ _Who put all these dildos on my pillow?_ ”

Akaashi shrunk into the couch as the shout boomed through the small apartment. The accommodation was expensive, and he had ended up rooming with four strangers he had discovered through an online advertisement – it wasn't the most ideal situation, but he had felt it would be better than having to try and pay all the costs of living by himself. He had reconsidered almost as soon as he'd moved in, but by then it was too late.

The rhythmic thudding sound of socked feet echoed down the hall and Akaashi burrowed his nose in his book as Kuroo skidded into the room, almost tripping over a pair of discarded sports shoes. His black hair was even wilder than usual, sticking up in every direction as if he'd been shocked by an electrical current. His eyes, normally heavy-lidded and half-closed, were open wide as he stared around the room. “Where are they?”

For a moment, Akaashi considered pretending he hadn't heard. He changed his mind once Kuroo started looming over him, trying to peer into his face. “I don't know, Kuroo-san. Last I saw, they were in the kitchen.” he debated whether or not to ask what was going on, but decided against it; it was probably best not to know.

“Do you know what this means, Akaashi?” Kuroo demanded. He didn't wait for an answer, which Akaashi was quite relieved about, “This means _war_. I told them that the dildo prank was _my_ idea!” swearing loudly, Kuroo stomped towards the kitchen, waving four distinctly phallic-shaped, hot pink objects. “Come out, you absolute assweeds!”

His roommates were definitely the one part of college life that Akaashi had been completely unprepared for. He sighed, and tried to settle back down as Kuroo banged about the kitchen. He had hoped, when he had first applied for the joint accommodation, that his fellow applicants would be calm, quiet individuals who would be as focused on their studies as he was. What he had gotten instead was Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou, and Oikawa Tooru. Individually, they were bearable. Together, they formed a dangerous cocktail of bad ideas, immaturity, and hyperactivity.

“ _Run Kou-chan! Save yourself!_ ” Oikawa's voice shrieked from the kitchen. There was a lot of yelling, and then Bokuto was sprinting into the common room.

“Bokuto-san-” Akaashi began, a frown marring his forehead, but before he could finish his sentence Bokuto was running towards him. His eyes widened and he leaned back as Bokuto took a big jump and hurdled the couch he was sitting on.

“Don't tell them, Akaashi!” the tips of his white-streaked hair poked out over the top of the couch as he crouched down, struggling to make himself smaller.

Stupidly, Akaashi felt his heart thump. Since the first week he had moved in, he had developed an embarrassing crush on Bokuto Koutarou; incredibly, no one seemed to have noticed as of yet. “Right.” was all he said, sitting back into the couch. 

Kuroo stomped back into the room, looking murderous. “Where is he?” he demanded.

“I would rather not get involved, Kuroo-san.”

“You don't have to get involved, you can just point in the direction he went in.”

Akaashi leveled him with a stern look. “I'm being impartial.” he said firmly. He could hear a soft, relieved sigh coming from behind the couch.

After another moment, Kuroo sighed dramatically and whirled on his heel. “Oikawa! Who did you even steal these from-?”

“Steal? I'm offended you would think so little of me, Tetsu-chan! They're all mine, of course.” Oikawa called back.

As soon as Kuroo had disappeared back into the kitchen, Bokuto popped back up and rested his head on the back of the couch. His grin was blinding, the skin around his eyes crinkling with the force of it. “Thanks, Akaashi! You're a hero, man.”

“Please don't drag me into your prank battles, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi had to look away. Bokuto's smile was like the sun; Akaashi was sure that if he looked directly at it, it would blind him. 

“Sorry!” he didn't sound sorry at all. “We're only getting started! You're totally rooting for me to win though, right?”

“I'm impartial, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi repeated, fighting the twitch in his lips that threatened to spread into a smile. “I don't take sides.”

“You're like our mom!”

Okay, _that_ wasn't how Akaashi particularly wanted to be viewed by the one he liked. “Oh.”

It looked as though Bokuto was going to say more, but there was another yell from the kitchen. He gasped dramatically and scrambled out from behind the couch. “Don't tell!” he winked, before running in the direction of the bedrooms.

Fighting the blush from his cheeks, Akaashi feigned indifference as he looked back to his book. It was going to be a long year.

* * *

Kozume Kenma was Akaashi's favourite roommate. He was quiet, polite, and cleaned up after himself. The only downside was the fact that he wasn't exactly an “official” roommate. The landlord had given them strict instructions, telling them that there were to be only four tenants in the apartment (and there were, originally). But then Kuroo had come home one day to explain that his childhood friend was living with his parents in a town a couple of miles away, and that it would be so much easier if he could stay at their apartment for a few weeks. A few weeks had turned into a few months, until Kenma had become a regular fixture in their home. Had it been anyone else, Akaashi might have protested, but he liked Kenma. He never intruded on anyone, often choosing to simply sit in the room he and Kuroo shared and play video games. Akaashi felt like they were kindred spirits, in a way. 

Similarly, he quite enjoyed the company of Oikawa's childhood friend, Iwaizumi Hajime. There had been many occasions where Iwaizumi had been the only one capable of breaking up a prank battle that had escalated out of control, though once he had perhaps used excessive force and broken a vase and two doorhandles. One night, Oikawa had gotten drunk on wine coolers and ended up crying on Akaashi's bed. From what Akaashi had managed to piece together from the broken sobs, Oikawa and Iwaizumi had always planned to room together during college but had ended up getting accepted into different universities. That night had ended up being an exhausting ordeal; Akaashi had stayed up late with Oikawa until the drunken idiot finally fell asleep on Akaashi's bed, leaving him to sleep on the couch in the common room.

If his roommates could only be more like their friends, it would make the living situation far easier.

“ _Which one of you bastards used all of my Nutella?_ ”

Akaashi mentally counted to five. He had only gotten to three when Oikawa burst into his bedroom, eyes wild. Taking a small breath through his nose, Akaashi glanced up from his pile of homework and raised an eyebrow. “I didn't touch your Nutella, Oikawa-san.”

“Who did, Kei-chan?” Oikawa whined, slinking further into the room and throwing himself on the bed. “That was my special stash of Nutella, for when I'm having a bad day.”

“I haven't been in the kitchen all day. I've been studying.” he gazed pointedly at his books, but Oikawa didn't seem to take the hint. 

“I've got to get them back for this.” he muttered. His eyes were unfocused as he stared at the wall, intense in his concentration. It was mildly unnerving. “Have you any ideas?”

“I'm not getting involved.” Akaashi said politely, yet firmly. “Please don't do anything too... unorthodox.”

“Me? Never!” Oikawa grinned and flashed a peace sign before scurrying back out of the room. Akaashi watched him go in silence, unable to squash the feeling of mild dread that welled up in him.

For almost two and a half hours, Akaashi studied in peace. The apartment was quiet, nothing to disturb him but the soft patter of footsteps against the carpet in the hallway. After he felt his attention beginning to wander, he closed his books with a soft sigh and stood up to stretch. The gentle pull of his muscles was soothing after so long sitting still. A yawn stretched his mouth into an 'o' – he hadn't realised how truly tired he felt. Along with the realisation of his tiredness came the realisation that he was hungry, as his stomach let out a pathetic little mewling sound.

Still yawning, he padded out into the hallway and made his way into the kitchen, pulling self-consciously on his over-sized t-shirt. The entire apartment was almost totally silent, save for the faint sounds of Kenma's game from Kuroo's room. Rather than put Akaashi at ease, the silence made him tense up suspiciously. The apartment was never silent unless there were plans in motion.

“Hey, Akaashi!” Bokuto's excited call made Akaashi jump violently and spin on his heel. “Whoa! Didn't mean to scare ya!”

“Bokuto-san.” Akaashi could only pray that the slight breathiness in his voice was unnoticeable.

“How's the studying going?” Bokuto asked as he pulled out a carton of orange juice from the fridge.

“It's going okay. I think- Bokuto-san, please use a glass.”

Bokuto paused in the act of drinking straight from the carton, before guiltily lowering his hands. “Sorry.”

“It's fine. I think I just needed a break.”

“Yeah, yeah, you definitely work too hard, Akaashi! You should relax more, or you'll overwork yourself!” Bokuto's eyes were wide and shiny, practically gleaming in their sincerity. Akaashi felt his throat go tight as Bokuto ran a hand through his hair, slicking back any of the white strands that had escaped the gelled spikes. “We should watch a movie or something!”

Excitement grew in his stomach, though Akaashi stubbornly kept his expression neutral. “A movie, Bokuto-san?”

“Yeah! I got loads of cool spy movies, they're totally good for relaxing!”

“Is that so?”

“Sure!” Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's hand and tugged him towards the common room. “I always watch them whenever I'm stressed or bored or whatever, the explosions look so real!”

Akaashi said nothing. He wasn't sure he would have been able to say anything at all; he was quietly transfixed by the feeling of Bokuto's hand. It was bigger than his own, although far warmer, and it felt like it engulfed Akaashi's entire hand up to his wrist. Bokuto's skin was dry, and the friction between his skin and Akaashi's had him curling his hand tighter into Bokuto's grip.

“Sit on the couch, I'll set the movie up!” To Akaashi's immense disappointment, Bokuto broke away and bounced over to the TV. For lack of anything else to do, Akaashi followed Bokuto's orders and seated himself on the couch.

 _It's best not to read to much into this_ , he told himself firmly. _It's just a movie. It doesn't mean anything, friends watch movies all the time_.

The title screen came up on the TV screen, and Bokuto pressed play before doing a running leap at the couch, landing heavily beside Akaashi. They were so close that their arms and shoulders pressed together, and Akaashi half expected Bokuto to shift away. Bokuto seemed totally oblivious to their closeness, and leaned in even more to say “Oh, watch the opening scene! The main character is so cool!”

Akaashi just nodded – he didn't trust his voice, and he didn't want Bokuto to see that he felt anything other than comfortable. He didn't want to make anything awkward.

The movie was average, but Bokuto's excited coos and delighted laughs made it worth watching. Even so, Akaashi found his eyelids drooping halfway through, and his head ended up lolling onto Bokuto's shoulder. _This isn't so bad_ , he thought, _He can push me off, if he wants_.

Except Bokuto didn't push him off. Instead, he shifted around so that Akaashi could lean into him more comfortably, and his hand came up to play with Akaashi's curls. “You have nice hair.” his voice was soft, and he was so close that his breath tickled Akaashi's cheeks.

Akaashi could have sworn that his heart lungs almost forgot to push out the rest of the air in his body, and he nearly choked on his next exhale. “Thank you.” he whispered. It felt wrong to speak any louder, somehow. “I like yours, too.”  
Bokuto grinned, and then he was leaning in and Akaashi was sure he was going to die because there was just no way he was going to be able to remember how to breathe after this.

So naturally just as their lips were about to meet, Kuroo and Oikawa came squawking down the hall. “Kei-chan! Kuroo said he was going to shave me bald in my sleep! Tell him he can't do that!”

Bokuto jerked away, turning around to face the others. He grinned, looking so casual it would be almost impossible to guess that they had been about to kiss. Akaashi, on the other hand, probably looked murderous. “Kuroo,” he said silkily, and his tone of voice had everyone freezing and turning to look at him. “I think we all know that you're not going to that.”

Whether it was Akaashi's tone, his lack of expression, or the fact that he had actually dropped the honorific, Kuroo's grin melted off his face. “Right. Of course.”

Oikawa, however, was looking back and forth between Bokuto and Akaashi. His eyes were wide, clearly cataloging the distinct lack of space between the two of them. “Oh.” he breathed, and caught hold of Kuroo's sleeve. “Did we interrupt something?”

A blush flared up on Bokuto's cheeks and on another day Akaashi may have been entranced by the adorable flush of colour covering Bokuto's face. It was a rosy pink, and contrasted wildly with his hair. However, he was determined not to let it break his focus. “Don't you have some revenge plans to be working on, Oikawa-san?” he asked lightly.

“Yes, I do.” Oikawa was smirking now as he pulled Kuroo back down the hall, “I'll be making plans. I'll be very busy. Who knows when I may come back. It'll probably be a while.”

Bokuto looked confused as he watched the two of them disappear back down the hall, sniggering to themselves. “Um.”

Now that Oikawa and Kuroo were gone again, Akaashi allowed himself the opportunity to truly admire the blush on Bokuto's face. They made all the little brown freckles on his face stand out, and Akaashi could only stare (he had never been close enough to see Bokuto's freckles before). He waited for Bokuto to move in close again, and maybe try to kiss him.

Bokuto didn't move, still staring down the hall. “What revenge plan do you think he's working on?”

 _Okay,_ Akaashi thought, _I'll make the first move_. He shifted closer on the couch and raised a hand to Bokuto's face. The first touch of his fingers to Bokuto's cheek had him frozen, staring at Akaashi with wide eyes. “I like your freckles.” Akaashi told him, stroking a finger down the bridge of his nose.

All of Bokuto's usual confidence seemed to have fled, and he blushed once more. “Thanks. I like, um.. you.”

“You do?” Akaashi asked, his lips twitching up in a small smile. Bokuto's eyes followed the movement, and he nodded slowly. “Well, I-”

“ _KUROO!_ ”

“ _FUCK_!”

There was a loud crash from the direction of the bedrooms, and Bokuto jumped up off the couch. “I'd better go check on them!”

Akaashi scowled as Bokuto ran off. He hated college.

* * *

“ _Who was it?_ ”

 _Ignore it_ , Akaashi chanted in his head, _ignore it, ignore it, ignore it._

“ _I know it was you, Oikawa! Where did you even find a dildo this size?_ ”

Akaashi pursed his lips, rubbing at the crease in his forehead. Every time things seemed even slightly peaceful, those three would start making an unholy racket. It was virtually impossible to study, even in the sanctity of his own room.

“ _It wasn't me!_ ” Oikawa's voice screeched, “ _It was the dick ghost!_ ”

Akaashi leaned back against his headboard and considered the merits of sleeping in the canteen – no one was ever there after hours, and the couches were relatively comfortable. Maybe he could sleep in the Science building. _I bet no one in the Science building thinks that filling the showerhead with cocoa is a lighthearted joke_ , he thinks a little bitterly. It wasn't funny, it was just a pain in the ass to clean up.

The bickering between Kuroo and Oikawa was beginning to escalate in volume, and Akaashi resigned himself to having to break it up before the neighbours lodged another noise complaint. He yawned as he left his room – his classes were tough going, and he was putting most of his energy into studying. It would pay off at the end of the year though, and that thought alone was more than enough motivation to keep him going. (There was also the fact that when he was in his room, he was safe from most of his roommate's antics)

As soon as he entered the common room, he wished he hadn't. Piled on the couch was the biggest pile of dildos Akaashi had ever seen in his life (which wasn't saying lot, honestly, considering he hadn't seen too many piles of dildos). “What,” he said, interrupting Kuroo and Oikawa, “are those?”

His two roommates were standing over the couch, and had frozen midway through their argument at his appearance – Oikawa seemed to be mid-movement, one hand gesturing to the pile of sex toys and the other pointing into Kuroo's face. “Kei-chan.” his attempt at sounding casual failed; there was a flicker of irritation in his eyes. “I didn't realise you were home.”

Akaashi ignored him, still focused on the couch. “What-?”

“Dildos.” Kuroo supplied helpfully. “Some of them are the expensive vibrating kind.”

“Okay.” he nodded, considered for a moment, and then asked “Why are they all on the couch?”

Oikawa and Kuroo shared a look, communicating silently with subtle shifts of their well-groomed eyebrows. Akaashi hated when they did that. “Well,” Oikawa began delicately. “These are only the ones we've found.”

“I don't understand.”

Oikawa glanced over his shoulder, as though expecting to see an eavesdropper, and dropped his voice so low that Akaashi had to lean closer in order to hear him.“We're being haunted by a dick ghost.”

Akaashi blinked slowly. Kuroo nodded, eyes narrowed. “It's true. I didn't believe it at first, but now... I'm convinced. It's supernatural.”

There were many times that Akaashi had felt at a loss when it came to his roommates, but this may have been the most confusing. “I see.” he said, though he really didn't.

“ _These_ ,” Kuroo made a grand gesture at the dildos on the couch, “have been appearing all over the place. In the toilet, in the microwave, in Oikawa's car, in my protein powder – it's getting out of hand!”

Oikawa nodded. “It's my fault.” he said miserably. “I invoked its spirit.”

“ _You?_ ” Kuroo gasped while Akaashi raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! It must have been me!” Oikawa cried, spinning around and draping a hand over his forehead. “I must have inadvertently summoned it the first time I placed those dildos on your pillow, Testu-chan!”

A muscle jumped in Kuroo's jaw, but he nodded valiantly. “It's okay, man. It could have happened to any one of us.”

 _No,_ Akaashi thinks, _This is not a thing that normally happens to people_. “Perhaps-” he begins, but is cut off when the sound of the front door slamming echoes through the apartment.

An anguished wail heralds the arrival of Bokuto as he stomps into the room and flings something large and yellow at the couch. It bounces off and lands on the floor, and Akaashi sees that it's one of the biggest dildos he's ever seen. “It was in my backpack!” Bokuto yells, his hair drooping, “I opened my bag when I was talking to my professor and _boom_ , it was sitting right on top of my assignment!” There was a collective of winces at that; if that had happened to Akaashi, he's sure that he would just sink through the floor.

“We have to get to the bottom of this!” Kuroo shouts, and the others yell in agreement.

Akaashi glances at the couch and wishes that it wasn't covered in dildos. He really feels like sitting down.

* * *

The next morning when Akaashi sleepily opens the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, he comes face to face with three dildos. They are pink and sparkly, and they appear to have Kuroo, Oikawa and Bokuto's toothbrushes taped to them. The tape is sparkly too.

He stares for a moment, bemused. He hadn't really expected to come face to face with this dreaded dick ghost – he had half-thought that his three roommates had been lying to escape having to confess to plotting a big prank. And yet, the proof sits in front of him in all its sparkling glory. He stares for a few minutes, unsure how to proceed. His and Kenma's toothbrushes sit untouched to the side, so he decides to brush his teeth anyway.

When he enters the kitchen, Bokuto, Kuroo and Oikawa and sitting around the table. Their furious whispers die down as soon as they notice Akaashi, which makes his eyes narrow suspiciously. “What's going on?”

They all share a look, and then Bokuto says, “We can totally trust Akaashi!”

Oikawa mutters something Akaashi doesn't hear, but it makes Bokuto's face turn bright red. He ignores them and waits for an answer.

“We're just discussing what to do about the dick ghost.” Kuroo pipes up. His hair is a mess, and his bright yellow sandals match the colour of his baggy canvas shorts. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

In fact, as Akaashi surveys the three of them, he notices that they all look exhausted. “When is the last time you all slept?”

“Tuesday, probably.”

It was Friday. Akaashi frowned, concerned. “Why haven't you been sleeping?”

“We've been trying to catch the ghost.” Oikawa slumps forward, his forehead thumping against the table. His fluffy hair is in tangles, and there are dark circles under his eyes. Akaashi has never seen him so rumpled looking. “We've stayed awake through the night, but we can't catch it in the act!”

“Tonight's the night! I bet we'll catch it tonight!” Bokuto crows. He looks perfectly energetic; his hair is in its regular spikes and his eyes are bright and golden. _He's beautiful_ , Akaashi thinks, and then looks away before he's caught staring.

“Your toothbrushes are taped to dildos in the bathroom, by the way.”

There seems to be a brief delay in the time it takes the boys to register what he's said. As soon as it hits them they jump up, knocking the chairs they've been sitting on to the ground. “ _The dick ghost strikes again_ ,” Bokuto screeches, and the three of them tumble out of the room.

Akaashi stands still for a moment, just to gather his thoughts – the three of them are so energetic, even while sleep-deprived. It's tiring just being in their presence. After a minute, he pads out into the hall. As he walks passed Kuroo's room, Kenma pokes his head out.

“What's going on?” He asks, blinking lazily.

“They believe they're being haunted by a dick ghost.” Akaashi tells him.

Kenma nods. “Okay,” he says, as though Akaashi has just told him that the weather was to be quite mild for the rest of the day, and then he disappears back into the room. There's an outraged screech coming from the bathroom, amplified by the echoes against the tiled walls. Akaashi guesses they found the toothbrushes.

“ _There's four taped to the ceiling, too!_ ”

 _Huh._ Akaashi wonders whether this is beginning to get out of control. He wants to go back to bed. Instead of going back to the relative safety of his bedroom, Akaashi returns to the kitchen. Hopefully some breakfast will help with the headache he's beginning to develop.

He's just pulled down a box of Lucky Charms (it's expensive, but Bokuto and Kuroo both insist on buying it because they love the novelty of American cereals) when Bokuto appears in the doorway. “Hey!” he says, smiling.

“Good morning.” Akaashi replies. He can feel the tips of his ears growing warm as he finds himself under Bokuto's gaze, but he offers a small smile.

“Sorry for, uh,” suddenly awkward, Bokuto scratches the back of his head. It's cute. “ _that_. I promise we'll get to the bottom of it, so it won't bother you anymore!”

“It's okay, Bokuto-san.” They're standing very close now – Bokuto had moved to take a bowl from the press above Akaashi, but he hadn't stepped back even when Akaashi had turned around. Their chests are touching – Akaashi had never noticed how firm and muscled Bokuto was, and the realisation is faintly thrilling. “I'm sure you'll sort it out.”

Bokuto hums, and his breath is warm against Akaashi's face (it smells like apple juice). “Yeah.” is all he says, before he's leaning in.

 _Finally_ , Akaashi thinks as he moves to meet Bokuto's lips with his own. Except before they can meet, his hand knocks against the box of Lucky Charms and it spills over onto the countertop. The noise is louder than cereal should technically make, and they both look over to see three dark objects laying amongst the cereal.

“Butt plugs.” Bokuto says, surprised. “That's new.”

When Akaashi finds this dick ghost, he's going to kill it.

* * *

If he wasn't sure before, he's certain of it now; Akaashi is being cockblocked by the dick ghost that haunts the apartment.

There never seems to be a moment where Bokuto isn't busy with the others, desperately trying to get to the bottom of the mysterious dildos. On the few occasions where Akaashi has managed a moment or two alone with him, they're almost always interrupted by the discovery of yet another sex toy in some impromptu place. It's becoming exhausting, and Akaashi just wants it to end.

Which is probably the reason he's found himself in this situation.

“It's gonna be fun!” Bokuto insisted, snuggling into a blanket. “Like a sleepover!”

“This is serious.” said Oikawa, hugging his pajama-clad knees closer to his chest. “If we don't catch the dick ghost in the act, it'll win!”

They're in the common room, where Kuroo and Bokuto have set up pillow forts. The plan is to stay up through the night in the hopes of catching the dick ghost red-handed. The three of them are cosy and warm under a mountain of blankets, and Akaashi sits close to Bokuto as they all talk. Oikawa has set up a video camera in the corner, where it has a broad view of the room. 

“We'll take the night watch in shifts.” Kuroo declares. He looks serious, and Akaashi wonders if he's managed to convince himself that he's in one of those American action movies he loves so much. “I'll take the first watch with Oikawa. At 4 a.m, we'll wake you two up and you can take your watch until 9 a.m.”

They agree, although Bokuto seems considerably more excited than Akaashi. “Awesome! We're gonna catch it tonight, I just know it!” He turns to face Akaashi and beams, “I have a good feeling about tonight.”

Akaashi isn't sure whether or not Bokuto's good feeling is entirely founded, but he returns the bright smile with a small one of his own and says nothing.

The night goes by fairly fast. Though the other three talk amongst themselves, Akaashi feels his eyes drooping within a couple of hours. Oikawa's eyes zero in on him. “You should sleep, Akaashi-kun.”

It's the first time Oikawa has called him anything other than “Kei-chan” since he learned his first name, and the surprise makes Akaashi wake up slightly. “Hm? Oh, yes. I think I will, if that's alright.” Perhaps his fatigue makes him bolder than usual, but Akaashi lays down and decides to use Bokuto's legs as a pillow. His legs are incredibly defined, and Akaashi marvels at the muscles as he closes his eyes and presses his cheek against a warm, beefy thigh. He feels Bokuto momentarily tense up under him, before he relaxes and a hand settles itself into Akaashi's hair and begins carding through his curls. It feels so nice that Akaashi turns his face and buries it into Bokuto's pajama bottoms to hide his small smile and pink cheeks. He falls asleep to the sound of hushed murmurs, strangely quiet considering their ordinary volume was somewhere just above the decibel for bursting eardrums.

It seems like it's only been five minutes before he's being gently shaken awake again. Blinking blearily, Akaashi gazes up into golden eyes. “Bokuto-san?” It's only when his voice shatters the illusion of silence in the room that he realises how quiet it was. To his left he can see two lumps in the dark, Oikawa and Kuroo, and he can hear their soft breaths as they slept.

“Sorry to wake you,” Bokuto whispers. “It's been our turn to keep watch for about an hour now. I was going to let you sleep for a bit longer, but I got kind of lonely in the dark.”

“You should have woken me earlier.” Akaashi chides softly as he sits up. It's cold in the room, but Bokuto is practically radiating warmth and he leans closer without conscious thought. “You know I wouldn't have minded.”

Even through the dark, he can see Bokuto flush and glance away. He murmured something that Akaashi didn't quite catch, and when Akaashi asks him to repeat himself he coughs and says, “You look really peaceful when you sleep.”

 _Peaceful?_ Akaashi could feel a sliver of dried drool on his chin, and his face burns. “Are you making fun of me, Bokuto-san?”

“No!” Bokuto whispered emphatically, shifting closer. His eyes arewide, and Akaashi doesn't miss the way his gaze flicks towards his lips. “No, I mean it. Um.. so. I know the dick ghost has kinda.. interrupted us a couple of times when we were about to.. you know..”

The way Bokuto got so flustered over the subject of kissing was adorable, and it made Akaashi's chest tighten. “The dick ghost isn't around right now.” he said, and was momentarily struck by the oddness of that statement. It shouldn't have been romantic in the slightest, yet the words sent a thrill of excitement through him - _the dick ghost isn't around to ruin it this time_.

“Yeah..” whispered Bokuto, and then he was leaning in and Akaashi was tilting his face up.

Their lips met. Akaashi was tempted to punch the air in triumph ( _the dick ghost was too late to foil his love life this time_ ), but instead he brought his hands up and clutched Bokuto's pajama shirt. Kissing Bokuto was lovely – his lips were chapped and warm, and his big hands wrapped around Akaashi's waist, rubbing his hips with his fingers. Every movement was enthusiastic and delighted (Akaashi thought that this was what kissing a human puppy might feel like), but he was gentle too. His big hands roamed up and down Akaashi's back, his touches feather-light and barely there. It was as though he wasn't quite sure whether or not he was allowed to touch.

They broke apart for a moment and Akaashi made a breathy sound of content before leaning back for more. Apparently taking the small noise as some sort of sign, Bokuto's touches became stronger. His fingers clenched around Akaashi's waist and pulled him forward onto his lap. “Akaashi..” he breathed, “hey, Akaashi? I really like you.”

A genuine smile broke across Akaashi's face, and he leaned back in Bokuto's lap and laughed softly. “I really like you too, Bokuto-san. I have for a while now.”

Bokuto stared at him, awe-struck. “I can't believe how pretty you are. Can I kiss you again?”

“You can kiss me as often as you like,” Akaashi replies, before thinking for a moment and tacking on “Within reason, of course.”

Choosing to ignore the last part, Bokuto eagerly leans forwards and captures Akaashi's lips with his own. The pace of the kiss is faster this time, harder. It's the kind of kiss that makes Akaashi feel like he's been lit up from the inside out, like his skin is too tight and his limbs too clumsy. They break apart and he's breathless, but he already wants to be back at Bokuto's lips.

Breathing doesn't seem too important when he could be kissing Bokuto instead. They have a lot of time to catch up on ( _thanks to that goddamn cockblocking dick ghost_ )

The sound of Oikawa shifting and murmuring in his sleep makes the two of them freeze. Bokuto's hands are stuck up Akaashi's shirt, and Akaashi's own hands are tangled in Bokuto's hair. The two of them are panting softly, faces flushed and shining. If either Oikawa or Kuroo woke up now, there's no doubt that they'd make quite the sight.

Thankfully, Oikawa just rolls over and smack his lips before falling back into a restful slumber.

The thought that perhaps they shouldn't be doing this in the common room at 4a.m while their roommates sleep beside them has just crossed his mind when he hears Bokuto whisper “My room?”

Akaashi can't agree fast enough.

They move clumsily, still tangled in blankets and trying to touch each other as much as possible – Akaashi is so caught up in stroking Bokuto's bicep (it's a very nice bicep) that he bumps into the door. Bokuto giggles, and Akaashi kisses him again because he can't help it.

Stumbling into the hallway, Bokuto is illuminated in the light from the kitchen and Akaashi is momentarily breathless; his skin is flushed and glowing, his white and black streaked hair flat on his hand and falling into his face. His golden eyes are bright and shining in the light, and all Akaashi can do is stare.

But then Bokuto frowns and tilts his head, and Akaashi struggles to find his voice to ask, “What's wrong?” he sounds croaky and deep and totally unlike himself.

“Why is the light in the kitchen on?” he murmurs, his throat also sounding dry as he stepped towards the kitchen door, “I definitely turned it off.”

Akaashi wants to pull him away, to keep his attention focused all on him, but he doesn't want to be that selfish when this thing between them is so new, so he follows Bokuto into the kitchen. What they see when they walk in makes the two of them freeze in their tracks.

Kenma is standing by the fridge, taping an orange buttplug to a baguette.

“ _Kenma_?” Bokuto sounds flummoxed. His mouth hangs open as he stares at the smaller boy.

At the call of his name, Kenma starts violently and drops the baguette. He manages to keep a hold on the buttplug. He turns slowly, his eyes wide. “Don't tell Kuro.”

“Oh my god.” Akaashi whispers. He can't believe it; he had thought he and Kenma were _friends_. “ _You're_ the dick ghost?”

Bokuto looked as though he'd been punched in the stomach. “Dude. You put dildos in my cereal. My _cereal_.”

“They were in the juice too.” Kenma is pressing the tips of his fingers together, his hair falling in curtains around his face. He isn't looking at them directly. “I had to pour the juice into a separate container, cut open the carton, insert the dildo, glue the carton back together again, and then pour the juice back in. No one noticed though, so it was a waste of time. And glue.”

Bokuto gags, and Akaashi's tongue feels furry. “ _Dude_ ,” Bokuto whines, “That is _gross_!”

“They're clean.” Kenma frowns, as though offended by the thought of his sexual hygiene being questioned.

“But- but _why_?”

“Your prank battles are very irritating.” Kenma hums, scratching the side of his nose. His gaze is fixed on his feet, but Akaashi gets the impression that he's hiding a smirk. “I figured maybe if I out-pranked you, you'd stop for a while. It's worked so far.”

It has, Akaashi has to admit. Bokuto, Kuroo, and Oikawa have been so busy trying to investigate the dick ghost that they've forgotten about their ongoing prank war. Other than all the dildos everywhere, it's been relatively peaceful.

Bokuto whimpers. “But.. you made me drink dildo juice..”

“Imagine Kuroo's face when he finds out.” Akaashi says suddenly. It's ridiculous. The entire situation is totally farcical – and yet, at the thought of Kuroo's stricken expression when he finds out that it was angelic _Kenma_ who had been the source of all the phallic-shaped shenanigans, Akaashi finds himself laughing.

Bokuto is laughing too – he's laughing so hard that he's bent over, the ridiculousness of the situation finally catching up with him. He's supporting himself with his hands on his knees, his shoulders shaking with the force of his giggles. His eyes are scrunched up, and tears of mirth are rolling down his cheeks, glinting in the harsh kitchen light.

Akaashi watches him laugh, amazed. _He's beautiful_. He thinks of Bokuto's strong hands, his firm chest and his warm lips. He thinks of the past few weeks and how they were the most colourful, nonsensical and exciting weeks of his life.

He thinks, for the first time, that maybe his living situation isn't so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAAAAY, so it's been a long time since I've written anything, and I can't believe this is actually the first thing i've finished in months.
> 
> hopefully it's not too horrible. if you actually read the whole thing, i think you deserve a medal


End file.
